“Not everybody who says you are "family" or a close friend is telling you the truth.”
Have you been making excuses for someone who says they are a close friend but doesn't act that way?
I decided to write a brief view of what a close relationship between two Christians would look like from a Biblical perspective.
I made this decision because I know Christians who believed another Christian was a close friend, but found themselves constantly let down by the behavior of the “close friend.”
The following statements may help clarify whether a person is a close friend based opon their actions rather than just their words. Passages from Scripture follow my statements.
Of course, we all need to examine these statements and Bible verses to ensure we are acting properly toward those we claim as close friends.
How to Know if You Actually Have a Close Relationship with Someone
If someone claims to have a close relationship with you, then…
- They will spend meaningful time with you on a somewhat regular basis, at least to the degree they spend with others, if not more.
- They will listen attentively to you, as long as you need, without hurriedly interrupting you to make their own comments.
- They will pray regularly for you.
- They will contact you fairly often – to see how you are doing, and not just to satisfy their own needs or wants.
- They will make themselves available to you, as much as possible, without lying to themselves, you, or others about how available they actually are.
- They will answer your phone calls and texts more often than not, and when they do not answer, they will, more often than not, return your calls or texts.
- They will remember what is important to you.
- They will remember things you have shared with them.
- They will, more often than not, show up when the two of you have agreed to meet.
- They won’t have a history of putting you off or canceling meetings with you.
- They will, more often than not, know when they have hurt you, either by their own assessment, or by you making it clear to them, and they will, more often than not, avoid saying things such as “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry if you think I hurt you” etc., and will, more often than not – ask your forgiveness.
Dedicated Time Together
Proverbs 18:24: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
Acts 2:44–46: “All the believers were together and had everything in common … Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
Attentive Listening
James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Proverbs 18:13: “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”
Consistent Prayer
Ephesians 6:18: “Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. … always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”
Philippians 1:3–4: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy.”
Selfless Check-Ins
Philippians 2:4: “Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Genuine Availability
Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
Galatians 5:13: “Serve one another humbly in love.”
Dependable Communication
Matthew 5:37: “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ ”
Proverbs 25:13: “Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters.”
Heartfelt Remembrance
Philippians 1:3: “I thank my God every time I remember you.”
Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.”
Recalling Shared Details
Philippians 1:7: “It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart.”
John 14:26: “The Advocate, the Holy Spirit, … will remind you of everything I have said to you.”
Faithful Presence
Psalm 15:4b: “Who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind.”
Hebrews 10:24–25: “Not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”
Humble Reconciliation
Matthew 5:23–24: “If you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift … First go and be reconciled to them.”
Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
